I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, "Give me two boys and a girl."
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars"...
man : "I want some current literature."
Shopkeeper : "Here are some books on electric. lightning."
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind everyunsuccessful man, there are two!
When I was born they fired a 21-gun salute.
Too bad they missed..
Should women have children after 35?
No, 35 children are enough!
Are you coming for my 18th birthday party?
No, I went for that five years ago.
Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front of
board which said FINE FOR PARKING
Can you do anything that other people can't?
Sure, I can read my handwriting.
Whom are you working for?
Same people. My wife and four kids.
I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.
Yes. Meow.
When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book.
A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?
A Policeman catches a guy who was crossing the street at a wrong place and shouts Why are you crossing here? Cant you see a zebra crossing there ?
The guy replies Let the zebra cross. What can I do