Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
"I couldn't lift the table."
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.
The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"
"Fine. She vanished last night.
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
There are two kinds of secrets : one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.